Happy Valentine's Day



I had a friend of mine draw Madison as a fairy. He drew it out, traced it in marker and then we scanned it in the computer and both colored it in using Paint and Photshop. In addition to the typical gift bag of girlie Valentine's goodies I gave her, I presented her with this picture matted and ready to frame. She enjoyed seeing herself drawn as a cartoon, and as a fairy.

Other Madison news . . . she mastered her round-off, back handspring in gymnastics the other night and is looking forward to, and working hard toward her very first gymnastics competitive meet on March 1st in Gallatin. She and her teammates will be competing against gymnasts who have already been competing all meet season (since September), but if they gain nothing else from the meet, they will get a taste for the meet environment before their first true meet season this coming Fall.

If anyone wants to come watch her in action, let me know and I'll get you the details of the meet.

You Might as Well Write About That in Your Blog Too!

Those were the words of my scorned ex-husband who has apparently found my Diagnosis Single Mom website. Those of you who know me and who have visited my DSM site, know that my vision for that site is not to bash my ex-husband or men in general, but to uplift, encourage, inspire, and motivate single moms. However, there are occassions when it is appropriate and necessary to refer to my ex as he's in integral part of who I am today. . . moreover, I am who I am today in spite of his role in my life.

Last Tuesday I received a note from Madison's gym about her USAG fees being due NO LATER than Friday, 1/11/08. Those fees are $47 and all extra-curricular fees are to be split 50/50 by me and my ex. Per his request, he is to pay his 1/2 directly to the gym instead of our previous arrangement where I'd pay 100% up front and attempt to collect his half from him. So, on Wednesday (the day after I got the notice) I called him to let him know of this obligation that needed to be taken care of before week's end. On Thursday all of the parents received an email from the gym about a mandatory parent meeting at the gym on Friday at 7:15. At 7:30 on Friday (after the meeting was done) I called Paul and explained to him that he must not have gotten the email as I didn't see him a the meeting (I was tyring to give him the benefit of the doubt and not just assume that he didn't make the meeting a priority in his schedule) and I also reminded him that the fees were due that night and that Heather (who works at the gym) was wondering if he would be showing up to pay his half.

He called me back about 5-10 minutes later and I could hear the frustration in his voice. Here was the conversation that followed . . .

HIM - "Yes Amber"
ME - "Did you get my message?"
HIM - "I have a life Amber. I work and stuff. I don't have time to be checking emails and voice mails. I have things to do." (Shame on me. . . I thought his daughter might be part of that life he has. . . apparently I was mistaken)
ME - "The email was not from me. It was from the gym, and that's the least of my concerns, because at least I was here. I can fill you in on the meeting details. More importantly is the USAG fees. Heather is wondering if you're going to pay them. They were due today as you know. Madison has practice tomorrow from 11-1. I asked Heather if it would be alright for you to come in tomorrow and pay them and she said that would be fine."
HIM - "Fine. That's what I will do. Heather knows my number why doesn't she just call me."
ME - "Because it's not her responsibility to get in the middle of our issues. It's our job to handle this crap. . . not hers."
HIM - "Whatever Amber. I'll take care of it tomorrow. You might as well write about that in your blog too!"
ME - "Well, if you want me to. . . ." :)

He won't see this posted on DSM, but I have blogged about it nonetheless :) I think he would be pleased.

Christmas :)

I know I haven't blogged here in a very long time. Life has been busy. . . wonderful, but busy!

I now have an official website for my Diagnosis Single Mom (www.diagnosissinglemom.com), so my blogging priorities have moved to that site. You'll still have to look here for more personal blog entries about me and Madison and hopefully I'll get better with keeping it more current.

I feel like I've been out of touch with so many for a while so I'm sure I have a few things to catch everyone up on.

Christmas was wonderful, but it started off a little rough. Two days before Christmas we were visiting a friend at Williamson Medical Center. Anyone who knows me well, knows that I have a severe needle anxiety as well as general discomfort with watching any invasive medical procedures. By invasive I mean anything that punctures the human skin. In my head skin should always stay completely intact. While visiting my friend, the nurse came in to change her dressing on one of her drainage spots. I didn't watch, nor could I see it easily if I wanted to, so I thought I was fine. Minutes into this procedure, I began to get that all too familiar feeling. I knew that if I did not get out of that room I would faint. The only problem was, my friend was talking and I didn't want to jump up and excuse myself in the middle of her conversation, so I waited until she took a breath. I waited too long! I excused myself from the room, and Madison decided to stay in the room. I remember walking out of the door, but don't remember anything else. I woke up on the floor surrounded by nurses and hospital staff and Madison screaming, pacing, and crying hysterically. I fainted! I didn't just faint. I fell face first into a metal elevator door and then fell backwards onto the hard floor. Because of the force that I hit my head with (first on the elevator and then on the hard floor), the hospital would not allow me to move. They treated me as a head trauma victim (as I suppose I was), and took me to the ER for the next three hours for tests before they would release me. As emotionally and physically stressful as this event was, I walked away with very few injuries considering the impact. I had a good size bump on my forehead and I split my lip pretty well, and I had some bruises on my knee and leg. Aside from looking like Angelina Jolie for a few days, most people would never guess I experienced anything out of the ordinary that weekend. Aside from that event, the holiday was wonderful.

I had Madison for Christmas this year which is a treat in itself. We didn't travel anywhere. We spent Christmas Eve with our friends, Dave and Leah Clo and their families. I knew Dave and Leah when I lived in Miami and they moved up here about eight years ago. I'm so grateful to have them here. Christmas Day we had dinner with my friend Tracy and all of her family. They always treat Madison and me like part of their family and we truly consider ourselves surrogate members of their family.

Madison got a trampoline for Christmas that a friend of mine assembled on Christmas Eve while we stayed away from the house. Christmas morning she found a fully assembled, very large trampoline in our backyard and was amazed.

She also got a baby doll that I had made for her. It's an art form called doll reborning, where you make a baby doll look and feel so realistic it's almost scary. She said the doll and the trampoline were her favorite gifts. She really cherishes this doll and I'm so excited to see her really enjoy something as much as she does this baby doll. Here is a picture of the doll, which Madison has named Madeline Grace Hunter.



In doing the research for the doll, I became so fascinated with this art form, that I've decided I want to learn how to make them myself. The artist I used to make Madison's is kind enough to take me under her wing and teach me. I'm looking forward to getting started on my first one soon.

I will leave you with this picture of Madison, me, and Santa Claus. This Santa is a friend of mine who works in my office. I arranged "Pictures with Santa" in the office. I also took him to Madison's school to visit her class one day. It was a fun month and a great way to end the year. We're ready for a fresh start to create a new year of memories.

Paul and I had our required mediation yesterday to see if we could resolve the petition he filed on 6/5 and the counter petition I filed in July. After four hours of mediation we actually resolved everything. He admitted that I was not an unfit or dangerous mother and the mediator straightened him out on his other issues as well.

Essentially the entire headache was about money. He wanted a reduction in child support. Unfortunately Tennessee has a child support law that is very unfair and essentially screws motivated parents and rewards deadbeat parents. So he got what he wanted. His $400 a month was reduced to $187 a month. This amount barely covers 1/2 of Madison's monthly child care and health insurance. It does not touch a single cent of all of her other expenses. I'm 100% responsible for everything else. My atty and the mediator both suggested I get active in communicating with our state rep and state senator as they recognize that the child support law as currently written is very unfair in situations like mine.

The irony is that Paul fully expected that I would have to owe him child support. Believe it or not, with the Tennessee law it does turn out that way sometimes. . . the custodial parent will pay 100% of the child's expenses AND still owe the non-custodial parent child support. This is what he was banking on. So, I should count myself fortunate that it did not turn out that way.

The ridiculous part of all of it is that we both spent more than a year's worth of child support on legal fees. Who really loses here? YES. . . Madison. That's all money that could have been put to her benefit.

STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID

I feel like I was victorious yesterday. Afterall, it is just money. The important stuff was decided in my favor!

Thank you EVERYONE for your prayers, and support. I am such a lucky girl to have so many wonderful friends that stand behind me. I feel so incredibly blessed and I don't take any of you for granted.

Love you all!!!

Amber

Tokens

We've implemented a token system in our house. I purchased blue and clear glass floral marbles (the kind you'd find in the bottom of a vase). These are our "tokens." The blue ones are worth 5 tokens and the clear ones are worth one token. A token equates (once accumulated) to a dollar. Madison has a responsibility chart on the fridge and everyday that she successfully completes all of her responsibilities she earns a clear token. Each time she earns "hardest worker" at gymnastics she earns a blue token. This is getting expensive already as she gets hardest worker almost every time. Gymnastics twice a week, hardest worker twice a week = $10 a week. OUCH! Obviously this is an incentive that's working well because it truly has motivated Madison. When we watched my friend's boys last weekend, Madison was quite the helper. She helped the boys with everything and was quite the babysitter, so she earned a token for her help that day. When school starts back up I'm sure we'll add tokens as incentives for report card success as well.

She can lose tokens too! Lately we've been struggling with being grateful. Ungratefulness requires a token to be taken away. The other thing we've been struggling with is learning how to end a good time graciously. Madison has a hard time leaving a fun situation. She whines and pouts and begs to stay longer. So, this behavior also causes her to lose a token. When she accumulates a significant amount of tokens she can trade them in for something of value . . . a new video game, a new leotard, whatever she wants (with my approval of course!).

Other news . . . our June 11th court date as postponed. We filed our counter-petition and now we're being required to attempt mediation first. Our mediation date is set for August 9th. This should be an interesting waste of time and money. Then we have a new hearing date set for September 26th assuming we don't find resolution in mediation. I fully expect to be in a hearing on the 26th.

I like this picture. I took this picture.
I like this girl. She's pretty special.

This is a very old building along the Stones River greenway near the trailhead at the Hermitage YMCA. It was part of the Clover Bottom farm, but I'm not sure what its purpose was. It's a fascinating building and I wish I knew about its history. I took Madison there yesterday because I thought she'd enjoy exploring it as much as I did the first time I discovered it. Plus I thought it would be a cool place to snap a picture of her.

What you can't see from this picture is that the entire building is imploding. You can't explore too much inside as it's truly collapsing. There is a sturdy staircase to the second floor which is 80% collapsed into the first floor. We took the stairs up, but didn't leave the top step. While up there you can see an elevator of sorts. It's completely open, but was used for taking something from one level to the other in its day.

I've done a little bit of research online to see if I could find anything regarding the Clover Bottom Farm that would reveal what this building's purpose was, but didn't find anything as of yet. I may have to visit the library to see if there's any books on Nashville history that would include such information. I'd love to see a picture of the farm when it was operable.