Here she is. . . my little Geisha Girl. I knew she'd look awesome in her costume with hair and makeup complete, but I think I was surprised that she looked soooo good. We sprayed her hair black, made her face white, and even gave her the little red lips of a Geisha. I couldn't stop looking at her all night. I was also very impressed with myself. I made her costume, and for once, I was truly proud of the finished product. Not that I haven't been proud of my works before, but this time I felt like I did a better than usual job. There were no mistakes along the way that I had to improvise upon.

Under the costume are long johns. That was so we would be prepared to jump in the bounce house at our Fall Fest. We saved the bounce house for last, stripped off the robe, earrings, and shoes, and she was ready to jump. The amazing thing is that not a hair on her head moved while in the bounce house. The funny thing was going to dinner after the Fall Fest. We went to Longhorns and I didn't allow her to go in her costume as we needed to keep it clean and neat to use again on Halloween. So, with her Geisha hair, and makeup, pink camo jammies, and Asian shoes, we went to dinner. Madison could have cared less, but if that were me at that age, I would have thrown a fit and been embarassed to enter the public establishment. I'm glad she's to carefree sometimes. Fun times :)

It's been nearly six years now. Wednesday, October 25th is the six year anniversary of an event that resounds loudly, and clearly in my mind. . . an event that I am eternally grateful for. Not only is it the actual anniversary, but even the fact that October 25th lands on a Wednesday this year is significant as that was the actual day of the event six years ago. I don't talk about it often. . . probably because it's something I am happy to have behind us and don't care to tread through again.

It started on a Monday morning. . . October 2nd. I greeted 13 month old Madison in her crib that morning as I would any morning. As normal, she was awake and smiling, but something was unusual as soon as I saw her. She was not standing up or bouncing as she would in anticipation of me retrieving her after a night's slumber. She just sat, even after I approached her crib. I said "'Morning baby. Get up." She continued to sit. This was not at all normal for Madison, and I knew immediately something was awry. I placed my hands under her arms to pull her to a standing position, only to have her resist. She WOULD NOT stand. When I finally could hold her up in a standing position, she refused to put her left foot down. She was not crying, and was not cranky, or behaving as though she was in any pain. Her foot, ankle, and leg showed no evidence of bruising, obvious swelling, or anything out of the ordinary. We immediately called her doctor who advised us to take her temperature and to take her to Vanderbilt Children's Hospital if it was 101 or higher, otherwise take her straight to the Pediatrician's office and see the first available doctor.

Her temperature was not 101, so we found ourselves in the Pediatric office that morning and with the first available doctor. The next three weeks consisted of exhausting, frustrating, daily visits to the Vandy Children's ER, Vandy Specialists, and/or her Pediatrician with doctors, interns, and the like poking, and prodding at my baby. We spent many sleepless nights in the ER with Madison being the proverbial gineau pig sometimes. The evening of that first day came with a spiked fever of 104 and each day after that her fever would wane and wax, she rashed over most of her body, and suddenly became the child who could not leave my chest. We spent most of every hour in each day for the first ten days or so with her hot, limp body draped across my chest. After about two weeks of this routine, and countless doctor visits, we were referred to yet another Vandy Specialist. . . the Pediatric Orthopeadic Specialist. He put Madison in exploratory surgery that night to rule out a bacterial infection. Under general anesthesia, the surgeons went into her ankle bone to extract synovial fluid to test. Everyone was relieved to have confirmed that this was not a bacterial infection. The Orthopaedist diagnosed Madison with JRA (Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis)http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/medical/arthritis/jra.html, and decided to cast her foot with the hope that since her foot would be forced into a 90 degree angle she would put weight on it and begin to walk again. He also prescribed arthritis medicine for her to start taking. She dragged the casted foot with her wherever she went, and did not walk on it as he had hoped she would. By this time the high fevers were gone and she was mostly back to normal with the exception that she still refused to walk or put weight on that foot.

Everybody we knew was praying for Madison. . .our church, our friends, our family, and people we don't even know. I had prayed DAILY and continually for Madison. Then I got mad. I wasn't mad at God, or at Madison. I was mad that I allowed this to continue as long as it had without getting mad sooner. I was mad at Satan for having power over my child and my household. It was seven days after her exploratory surgery; seven days dragging a cast around. The next day we were to visit with the Pediatric Orthopaedic Specialist again. My anger, and frustration fueled fervence in my prayer that night greater than any prayer I had prayed previously. I prayed specifically that upon our visit the following day the doctor would tell us that he never needed to see us again.

The next day came, and we went to Vandy as we had done nearly everyday for the past 22 days. The doctor's staff removed Madison's cast and then the doctor came in to see her. He did not examine her, but rather briefly looked at her. He asked me if anything had changed, and if she had walked on her foot with the cast. I told him that she did not and still refused to use that foot or to put weight on it. He said, literally "Alright. Have a nice afternoon. I don't need to see you again." My daughter was the exact same child he examined one week earlier and decided to send into exploratory surgery. . . nothing had changed in her status, and yet he told me that he had no need to see us anymore. I knew INSTANTLY that this was my prayer answered and answered as specifically as I prayed it. I took my daughter home and thought nothing more of this situation.

That night, on our way out the front door to leave for church, we stopped to talk to our ederly neighbor who was really wanting to know the latest news on Madison's condition. As I'm explaining all of the events of the past 23 days, Madison begins to squirm on my hip as though she wants to be put down. As I struggle to hold this squirming baby, I give up in frustration and as I place her down I said "Fine! If you want down, you're going to have to stand." It was at that moment that I put her down and for the first time in nearly a month she stood on two feet with equal weight on both feet. My neighbor and I both gasped in excitement and immediately grabbed a hand each, and Madison began to take the first steps she had taken in over three weeks.

That night as we showed up at church, I know I must have been beaming as I held Madison's hand while she walked down the corridor to the amazement of so many people who journeyed through the events of those weeks with us.

To this day, her Pediatrician will see her and say "She's just not the same kid. I can't believe this is the same Madison I met X years earlier. We'll never know what happened back then." I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED BACK THEN. Her pediatrician has even made the comment "We may have to revisit that sometime." as though it might happen again. Thankfully, I know she's wrong.

One day when Madison is a competitive gymnast, I will have to invite her Pediatrician to one of her meets :)

Affirmation

Today was parent/teacher conference day. Each school year at the end of the first grading period there is a day set aside for the teachers to have a conference with each parent who desires one.

This is Madison's second year with Mr. Warner. She will have him again next year as well since the Montessori classroom model combines first, second, and third grade students in one class. Mr. Warner has gotten to know Madison, her full personality, her quirks, her strengths, and her weaknesses. In today's conference he shared with me how her exuberant, excitable personality sometimes interferes with her staying on task, but also said that she is making significant progress, and he sees a big maturity over last year. We discussed areas of improvement and areas that need improvement, but overall she is doing really well in school. Mr. Warner over many occassions (including in today's conference) has also told me how much he truly enjoys having Madison in his class because she brings a lot of joy to the environment.

To me, however, the most important thing I heard from Mr. Warner in this conference was when he told me that it is very obvious that Madison is secure in the love she has from me. He went on to say that whatever I'm doing, I am doing right and to keep it up. He said that you can tell very obviously which kids get the love they need from their parents, and which ones don't, and that he recognizes that Madison is very secure in herself because of the love she gets from me. This was such a huge compliment in my eyes. Too often we hear about kids in "broken homes" (for lack of a better term) who are insecure, act out, become a nuisance, etc. To hear, that Madison is "normal" or even better than this society's "normal" gave me some security in knowing that my failure at marriage doesn't have to affect who she is and will be. She's loved and she knows it. I'm doing my job well in spite of not having a "traditional" family environment to raise her in.